Lincoln Riley is leaving Oklahoma for the University of Southern California. He is departing a football machine to salvage a program that finished 4-7 this season.

Knup Sports has acquired a leaked transcript of the conversation between Riley and the USC boosters.

Lincoln Riley

Boosters: “Coach Riley, it’s a pleasure to get you on the phone and discuss our coaching vacancy out at USC.”

Riley: “Guys, it’s great to talk to you, but I want to let you know that I am fully committed to the University of Oklahoma. Boomer Sooner.”

Boosters: “From what we heard, you were thinking about taking your talents down to Death Valley to fix Coach O’s mess.”

Riley: “LSU wants me. I mean, who wouldn’t. I’ve gone 55-10 in five seasons, I got kids transferring in left and right, and five-star recruits are begging me for offers. But, as I said, I am fully committed to raising my children in Norman and being the head coach of the University of Oklahoma.”

Boosters: “That’s good you don’t wanna go to Death Valley. The only thing they have is LSU Football, and they can’t win to save their lives. We might lose at USC right now, but you’re a quick drive from the beach. I know your kids would like the beach. They don’t have none of that in Norman.”

Riley: “Guys, I know what you’re trying to do, and I appreciate it, but I am fully committed to the University of Oklahoma. Boomer Sooner.”

Boosters: “Okay coach, we didn’t expect you to come clean up our mess here at USC, but can we ask you one more question?”

Riley: “Boomer Sooner.”

Boosters: “Is that a yes coach?”

Riley: “Boomer Sooner means yes here in Norman.”

Boosters: “Great. So coach, we are assuming you have a house in Norman?”

Riley: “Yes Sir. In fact, I have two houses.”

Boosters: “Now what are they valued at approximately.”

Riley: “About $500,000 each.”

Boosters: “We have never seen your house before, but we bet Mrs. Riley has great taste. We got a few boosters who love vacationing in Oklahoma. We want to buy both your houses for $500,000 over the value if you want to be our next head coach.”

Riley: “Cash offer.”

Boosters: “Wouldn’t have it any other way coach.”

Riley: “Oklahoma isn’t giving a $1 million bonus. I do appreciate that.”

Boosters: “Seems like we’re starting to sway you coach. Now, after we buy both your houses, how does $110 million guaranteed sound. We know you’re making $45 million over six years, so we’re going to double that and then some.”

Riley: “That’s an amazing offer, but I hear living is pretty expensive out in California, so that money may go quick.”

Boosters: “Coach, we already have a $6 million house with a ‘Welcome Home Coach Riley’ doormat.”

Riley: “Wow, I know Oklahoma is pretty cheap, but $6 million in Cali has to be worth at least $1 million in Boomer territory. My biggest issue now is that my whole family relocated to Oklahoma because it seemed like a forever job.”

Boosters: “We have a private jet for you that you can access with the snap of your fingers.”

Riley: “Send my agent over a contract, and I can’t wait to get to work. Fight On!”

5 Minutes Later

Lincoln Riley

Lincoln Riley has resigned as the head coach of Oklahoma and he will be taking the vacant position at USC.

(This was a parody)